Ya know what, how about I update you all on my positive aspects of my progress as an autistic living in a world that is clearly still, in the year two-thousand and twenty-three, not made for them? Look, I’m not dismissing or downplaying the unbelievably harsh days and moments of sensory peril, inattention, emotional dysregulation, deep depression, spatial unawareness, and all-around executive functioning challenges inherent to co-existing alongside neurodevelopmental and related disabilities. Trust me when I say that coming as I am certainly is a lifelong process. However, I’m distracted by everything and trying to just let it be, without punishing myself, or at the very least not as harshly.
If you’ve been a long-time reader of the blog, you might remember that I’ve curated several contributions to The Autism Blog over the last decade, so I’m not exactly new at this. Though, maybe it does lead into the theme of Autism Acceptance Month and “Come as you are”. And knowing that these hard times will pass, too. What’s really helped me through these hard times is nature. It’s been becoming more constant, the struggles of keeping myself from doing something impulsive that I’ll probably later regret, just struggling in holding off from wanting to smash my head against the wall, bite others, or crying silently whilst lying on the frigid linoleum tiling of bathroom floor, but that’s not why you’re reading this (and besides, I’ve been racking my brain for three hours now to type out this blog post already, cursing myself out loud because try as hard as I might, I wasn’t able to cohesively put together even an brainstorming outline to plan ahead). It’s been becoming more constant, as I sit here, late morning coffee in hand and an hour and a half since I’ve taken the routine medication for my severe ADHD that I have had since childhood (doesn’t help that there’s been a massive shortage of these types of medications, inconsistent quality as well). These thoughts… these four words, the phrase, “Come as you are, ” they’ve been circulating around in the back of my mind for the past three weeks now.
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